Bah-Humbug (or, why I hate holiday shopping) ..

As of this writing, Christmas is only eight days away, and I finally got some time to put towards my website again. I figured that the best rant to write today, would be one that just oozed with special holiday spirit. "What should I write about?" I asked myself, and then it hit me. I had come to the realization this year that .. I HATE HOLIDAY SHOPPING!

.. Allow me to explain.

Now, let us say we actually have the money to go shopping for our loved ones. If you do, then part one of this little holiday retro-trip to Hell is complete. Now all you have to do is spend it! Trust me, you will be spending it ..

So, you got your money, you're at the store, got your list (checkin' it twice?) .. Let's go find the stuff! Wait, there is the problem .. You waited until the last possible moment to go shopping, so now everything you wanted to get is GONE! Yep, nothin' in stock, "we can back-order for you," crapola! What choice do you have now? Well, you throw away that list, and pick out what you think would suit the person. Let us see what troubles that brings.

After pushing through the other ten thousand people that held off their holiday shopping; the screaming children, the slow old people, the people that take the very last thing you had been going for .. You FINALLY get to the cash register with an armful of junk you would not have bought except on the holidays! You spend all your money that had been saved throughout the year, take it home, and wrap it. BOOM! You're done! Presents stored, sit back and relax .. Now we wait for the day to open them.

Now it is the special morning, where the wrapping paper piles, and the fake-ass log is roastin' on the ol' television. The kids are screaming, you have not had your coffee, and you have to sit through the most miserable hour (or more, depending on the amount of gifts) that life has to offer!

After all the work you did shopping, you get to see the excited expressions as your loved ones open their gifts. Wait .. That isn't an excited expression, that is an "I didn't get what I want, so I hate you now" expression! Oh, what did you do to deserve this?

Great, so now your family hates you, and you have to sit through the incriminating stares as you stuff your face with salty ham, and dried-out turkey. What better way to celebrate the holidays, than doing a little shopping for those people that really don't give a flying horse-poop what you buy them? I say BAH-HUMBUG! Scrooge may have been the most intelligent man ever! It was not about the spirit of the holidays .. No~! He just did not want to go SHOPPING!

I reflect now on my holiday shopping experience, and compare it with that of my step-father's experience in Vietnam. Perhaps it may not have been as bloody, or demanding, or Hell .. Even as dramatic. Yet, today I earned my badge. I fought through the old-people in their tank-like Cadillac's. I trudged through the never-ending pile of screaming children, as it rained their sorrowful tears because the new ULTIMATE MEGA POWER ZAPPER DESTRUCTOCON 4000 was sold out. I gave my life and soul to this shopping season, and it is an experience I will never forget.

So from me, to you .. I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Giddy .. uh, Kwanzaa? Anyway, enjoy the holidays, and take this rant for what it was .. Humor. I may have exaggerated my trip to the store, but damnit if I did not earn that badge .. It says I am "speshul." ^_^

Happy Freakin' Holidays! ..
D'